I really hope soon I find someone and I feel for them the way I feel or well, felt about you. I mean I know I only knew you for a little amount of time but it was just so strong. I haven’t felt that in a little over two years and I think that’s why I’ve been making such a great deal over it. I know it was for a short time but I know I could have fallen so easily in love with you. But I made myself crazy. If we continued what we had, it would have been a very unhealthy relationship for me. And honestly, there’s something wrong with me I know it. I wish my friends understood. I wish someone understood how I thought. How my brain worked. I’m stuck in it everyday and I wish I could escape it for a second. But I just know that things happen everyday and they aren’t big things but I take them so terribly. Things could be horribly worse but every little thing causes me such a great deal of sadness. I’m not trying to take for granted anything. I’m so grateful for my family and what I have but I can’t help but be so depressed. and I feel so bad for how I act and I hate myself more everyday. And then when things can’t get worse for my mind to deal with, the past comes back to haunt me. It’s been a constant fear and I thought I had escaped it but I haven’t. Things could be worse everyone tells me that but that doesn’t mean anything. That doesn’t make anything that I’m going through any less of a problem because my brain is dealing with it differently. I’ve felt like this for almost three years now. When will I get better? I feel I’m just getting worse.
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